Beach fix

I am so tired. I am tired of feeling sad all the time, and having to pretend to be happy at school so that way I dont get the "whats wrong" looks and questions, I do not want to be sad, but I honestly do not know what to do about it....

I am tired of everyone telling me it will take time (even though I know you mean it in a good way, and i appreciate you telling me that, but I have heard it alot:(), I know it will take time but that is really a crappy thing, its been more than a month!!!! Time sucks, I am tired of time, and waiting for it...

I am tired of being alone, or feeling as if I am alone. Yes I have friends, but most of them are a good ways away, and I still go home to an empty apartment every night, so ya I feel totally alone...

I am tired of sleeping alone, my stuffed bear just doesnt cut it... and I totally understand Amanda sleeping on her fouton (sp?), cause many nights I find it easier to sleep on my couch, its just not as big and lonely. There is not a huge void there....

I am tired of seeing destruction and signs of Katrina everywhere I go...

I am tired of people complaining about petty things when there are still people living in tents in New Orleans, Slidell, and Bay St. Louis (those are places where I have recently seen people living in tents still)...

I am tired of hearing about Katrina every day, and hearing people go on and on about it...

I am tired of having to deal with FEMA on a regular basis... I am tire of people who do not live down here and havent gone through this bitch and complain about NO and "why are they trying to re-build"...

I am tired of not being hungry, I am only eating because I know I need to eat, but there is never a feeling of hunger, the majority of my caloric intake is from coke :(...

I am tired of people in my one class complaining about how much class work we have to do for it, when I am taking another class with a much greater work load plus i am a Ta with papers to grade and labs to set up, when they are only taking one class and dont really do anything else...

I am tired of people coming into my office and talking to my office mate and being loud when I am obviously trying to get work done, just because you do not have anything to do doesnt mean I do not have shit to do...

I am tired of living in this state of confusion, where my heart yearns for one thing and my brain says "no its not good for you"...

I am just tired of Mississippi...

I am tired of not being near a beach... I have not seen a beach since I evacuated from Katrian, and the beach makes me happy, so being away from it is quite depressing, yes there is a coast here... but a) most of it was ruined during the storm or you are not allowed on it and b)they are not real beaches anyway, they are dumped piles of sand on what should be a marsh, there are no waves (well 1-2inch waves and they just do not count)...

I need out!!!!, I need white beaches, blue water, to stick my toes in the sand, run around in a bathingsuite, let the waves lap over my toes, ride up and down in the waves just after where they start to break, lay on the beach with a drink in my hand and just be.... I NEED TO JUST BE... and I can not do that here :(... MISSISSIPPI SUCKS!!!