Im just missing you

I am here in Atlanta staying the night at my Aunt Jeanne’s. And well it is quite depressing . I am laying in bed typing on the computer, and its late…so this is where it all began . When I had evacuated for Katrina, this is one of the places I visited, and one night while I was here John (in Afghanistan) and I spent the entire night talking via instant messenger, and somewhere during that night is when I fell in love with him… I cant pinpoint it exactly, but sometime during that long wonderful night I fell in love. So as I am lying here in that same bed with the same computer, and well he IMed me a few min ago, its saddening. And I cannot help miss him and wish he was here with me.

The other day he asked me what I miss about him, and well I couldn’t tell him, not because I didn’t know, but because I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him, that would have just been to much… so I am going to put it here, get it off of my chest and out of my mind… so if you do not want to know all of the reasons why I miss John so much and all of the reasons I love him so madly then stop reading, but if curiosity has a grip on you… well then read on…

I miss John’s smile this little half smirk where only the right side of his lips curl up. I miss his eyes, the most beautiful and wonderful shade of sea green that I have ever seen; they are warm and caring and looking into them made me feel wonderful, beautiful, cared for, loved, warm and safe. I miss his strong arms wrapped around me; there is honestly no place I would rather been than rapped up in his arms, there I felt loved and as if nothing bad could ever happen. I miss the way he would just randomly pick me up and carry me in his arms, like one time when Steve, he and I were walking from the parking lot to a bar and he just randomly swooped me up and carried me for a sec. I miss how excited he would get when he would learn some new tidbit about an actor, movie or musician. I miss how he would come home from pt hop in the shower and then come curl back up next to me in bed for a minute and kiss me. I miss him listening to music and drumming along with me as the drum. I miss him attempting to tickle me, even though I hate being tickled and many times thwarted his attempt, I miss his attempt. I miss how if I wasn’t feeling in a great mood, he would make faces and cheer me up or act like a monkey or a dog and make me smile. I miss how excited he always seemed when I would make him something to eat, especially a quesadilla. I miss sitting in the back seat of Steve’s car on the way to some bar or what not, with John in the seat in front of me, he would randomly just stick his arm back and grab and squeeze my leg. I miss his snoring at night. I miss watching a movie on my laptop in bed because he had to go to sleep and get up early and I couldn’t sleep, so I would put in a movie, he would curl up with his head on my stomach or chest and I would rub his back while he fell asleep. I miss how he would rub my tummy if it didn’t feel good. I miss curling up on his floor with him watching movies and how he always knew what other movie the actor was in when I couldn’t figure it out or couldn’t remember. I miss doing stuff for him, like making him something to eat, grabbing something from the store for him, or before I left I would do my laundry and his as well and fold it and put it away. I miss watching him get ready for work the next day, ironing his uniform and getting everything done. I miss learning and hearing all the stories about him, from his life. I miss walking with him holding his hand, or wrapping my arm around his waist. I miss hugging him and being hugged back. I miss how he would be in a goofy mood and we would wrestle around and “punch” back and forth. I miss playing video games with him. I miss sitting on his lap while he copied CDs onto his computer. I miss going to best buy with him and watching him find new movies or music he didn’t have. I miss going to play Friday night Texas holdem with him at a friend of his place, even if he didn’t sit next to me he would look at me and smile, and it didn’t feel as if there was any space between us. I miss how even though he hated talking on the phone, he would talk to me on the phone. I miss him getting all excited to show me pics of when he was younger, growing up. I miss walking in his door when I would go and visit and hugging and kissing him. I miss how when I would leave, he would hold me and kiss me while I cried because I didn’t want to leave. I miss his comments on “how a girl should be feminine and a guy should be masculine.” I miss curling up with him at the movies and feeding each other recipes pieces. I miss him wanting to order my food for me at restaurants, even though I didn’t always let him, I love the fact that he tried. I miss riding in his car with him, music blaring, his hand on my leg, and kissing him when we came to a stop. I miss his voice, I miss him telling me he loves me, I miss being with him… what am I saying… I miss everything, good, bad whatever. I miss everything, and I would give anything to have him back so I no longer had to miss it.

I MISS YOU JOHN!!!!!!!!!!!