I am so stupid!!!!!!!!
So I think I might have fucked up the best thing that has ever happened to me. For those of you who dont know, I have been dating this guy named John who is in the Army. We went to the same high school and knew of eachother but thats about it. So about the time katrina hit -- he was in Afghanistan, we started talking online. We would talk for hours and hours and hours, i would stay up late and he went into work early just so we could talk to eachother (day here=night there). So during this time i was falling for him quickly!!!!!!!! He arrived back at the states, and I went to visit him, and well one thing lead to another and we were together. And I fell hard and fast. He is one of the most amazing people I have ever known. He is very much a guy's guy, but does have hidden soft spots which i love. He is sweet, caring, kind, loving, smart, funny, strong, loving, genuine, and just every other wonderful adjective. So, well I am head over heels in love with him. Now he is stationed in Tampa which is about 9 hours away, but because this semester is pretty flexible, i have been able to go down there and spend quite a bit of time, and he was able to come up shortly after he got back from afghanistan. So this is where ive fucked up......
So i found out this week that Charlotte is going to be out of town next week, so i thought great -- i can go to john's, take a bunch of article i need to read, during the day read those while hes at work and then spend the rest of the time with john. So i tell john this and he says that next week they begin training (or something like that-- basically getting ready to deploy again), and he will be working long long hours so it probably wouldnt be good if i come. So ok, no biggie.
So then later i come up with the i drive down either thurs or early early friday, and then leave monday. basically giving us 3 days together. he said that this weekend he wanted to go visit his grandmother (in a nursing home), and that he really wanted to go alone, so it probably wouldnt be good if i came down to visit. I then say that its still enough time that we would have fri night, sat morning/night and all of sunday and that i should still come down. He responds negatively to this saying it is just a bad weekend .... well my stupid stuborn headed self keeps pusing him and pushing him till i finally pissed him off :(.... and tells me no not to come. He then tells me that he is not happy and he is thinking maybe it is best if we take a break and that he needs to think, and that he will call me...........
so this was yesturday... and i still know nothing!!!!!! I called and texed him last night trying just to hear his voice. Today i almost went to tampa just to see him and talk to him since he is currently not talking to me, but i didnt that would have just made things worse....
So i still havent heard from him, i dont know what is going on with us or him, and my heart feels as if it is breaking :( I am so stupid, why do i have to be so stubborn and selfish!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate myself for that!!!! and if i have ruined the best thing in my life, i dont know what i am going to do:(.......... I called him leaving a message apologizing for my stubborn selfishness and asking him to call me.... i havent heard anything yet :(.................................
so i guess now i just wait, I hope to god he forgives me, and all can be well again.........I love him so much, i really dont know what i would do without him :(
8 comments:
I know exactly how you feel. I can only hope that things work out better for you...
i can go egg his car for you or tp his house...i do live in tampa you know...i am a good stalker...
well, well, well. it looks like my impression of you was correct. judging from all the petty bullshit you put up here, you are definitely a selfish bitch. news flash, it’s not always about you. No wonder why that other guy broke up with you. that was probably the best thing he ever did and it looks like this John guy is beginning to wise up too. oh and how you love John soooo much, grow up! i doubt that you even know what love is. looks like you’re just trying to justify your existence by being in a relationship in which you drive the poor sap insane. you didn’t to the other guy and now you’re doing it to John. and look at how the two of you got together in the first place. the dude just got back from hell on earth! I bet he would have fucked anything that walked... but you happened to be available and even better, you were on the rebound. an easy piece of ass was all you were to him and now that he got what he wanted and you’re being a bitch, why on earth would he want to keep you around. it’s not worth it. you’re so needy and helpless it’s pathetic. I have to give props to both those guys for leaving you. oh and just so you don’t think that I’m a complete asshole for telling you what, i’m sure, everyone is thinking; i’ll give you some advice. whether John breaks up with you or not, you should not be in a relationship at all. you need to do some serious soul searching and self reflecting. you have some serious issues that need to be worked out. if you don’t, then you are going to keep bouncing from guy to guy and you’re going to keep putting this shit on here so you’ll get sympathy. always the victim you are and you don’t realize that you’re the problem with these failed relationships. I’m sure that if you look back on your other relationships, you’ll begin to see a common theme; YOU. but hey...this is just my opinion.
-Chris
i don't really appreciate you shooting my friend down chris...so maybe there have been some mistakes in past relationships, but honestly, the first guy was crazy, and i have met john and he seemed completely interested in jenny, so you can shove it up your ass...don't make her feel worse than she already does!
That was completely uncalled for chris. It sounds more like you are the one with the unresolved issues that you need to work on-and stop telling other people everything wrong with them-at least until you figure out what the hell is wrong with you.
Who the hell is chris and why does he think he gets to write shit like that?
Wow, looks like i stirred up some shit. Ok, i'll admit what i said may have been a little harsh, but it's the truth. and i will not apologize for speaking the truth. it's not my fault that the truth hurts. i'm sure if you take a step back and take off your 'friend blinders' you'll see that i am right. I don't know jenny and nor would i want to. she seems like a needy, self loathing individual who at the end of the day self destructs her relationships. So, my opinion is likely the most honest and most correct. i'm not influenced by any emotional bonds. and if you guys are any type of a good friend, you’ll tell her what she needs to hear so that she can get over herself. Oh, and jen, here’s a tip for you. just because a guy seems interested, does not make him a good guy in any way. i’m sure you are old enough to know that guys will and do say anything the chic wants to hear so that he can get what he really wants. and when it’s no longer worth the effort then that’s when he moves on. of course, I don’t know john so he may be the genuine article. and if he is, makes me wonder about jenny more so…
-Chris
Wooooow, that Chris guy is real ass wipe! Did he ever stop to think that maybe he's the selfish one? To make these judgements about someone who he admits he doesn't even know.... I'm thinking this guy has never known any kind of love in his life and seeing as how he's such asshole, he probably never will. I pity you, Chris. You are obviously a sad, lonely, bitter shithead who will never know love because you have absolutely no compassion for others. But hey, I don't know you, maybe I'm just jumping to conclusions.... but just so you know, you should seriously just go fuck yourself.
- Emily - someone who has known Jenny since elementary school and can tell you from experience, Jenny is one of the kindest, smartest, most caring people. She does not in any way deserve to have an unfeeling cunt rag like you giving her shit when her heart is already broken.
Again, Chris, really, go fuck yourself.
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