HEARTBROKEN!!!

So, well I got an e-mail yesterday from John and well, he is not ready for a relationship and that its over, :(. So for any guys out there who might stumble upon this, it is never acceptable to break up with a girl via e-mail, internet, post-it, or any other non-verbal communication. The only proper way to break up with a girl is in person, but if for some reason that is not possible (distance or what not) then phone is acceptable, but not on the machine, actually talk to the girl, give her that respect. Be respectful of her, and honor what you had with her and break up with her in person.

So, well now here I am sad and crying with my heart shattered into a million tiny pieces. I love him so much, and this hurts so much! But its odd, normally there is this hatred that accompanies a breakup. But not this time, I am really not mad at him at all or angry. Hurt and destroyed and devastated, YES! But angry no... And another weird thing that I am not used to: normally when a relationship is over I tend to regret things like: "why did I waste all those kisses on him", "why did I fall for him", "why did I get so attached", "why didn't I wise up sooner". But not this time, its odd, I don't regret anything, and this is a very odd feeling... So, I don't know what this means or if it means anything at all (im a girl gotta make it into something), but its weird. I just don't know.

So hes not ready for a relationship, and well I understand that. He does have a lot of anger built up from past things, as well as a few other things. So, I really hope he figures things out and is capable of happiness.

But still I am here broken and wishing I was still with him. I just want to be with him, :(, and it hurts so much that I can not be :(... I really do love him, and I have never ever felt like this before... I just wish I could be with him... God my heart hurts!!!!!!!