drowning :(

ok, so i feel as if im drowning... everything is just piling up... so i have moved into a new apartmetn, slightly furnished, but i still have alot to buy -- such as a sweater or jacket (its getting cold), i just ordered dishes, i had to spend 3 hours in wallyworld the other day because i needed to buy sissors. my insurance company screwed me, and i havent heard from FEMA -- its just a big waiting game, so i have no idea if i am going to be getting any money from them or not:(.... so i have all this stuff to buy -- just for normal every day life -- im not talking anything fancey now... and i have to buy it on my normal pay which itself just barley covers my bills -- and with gas prices the way they are, that cuts into my food money, so how the hell am i supposed to buy any of the stuff i need, and its too late in the semester for a student loan, i can get one next semester but what am i to do till then... i just dont know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

then, charlotte tells me she wants me to present something at MAS (mississippi academy of science), and what she wants me to present has nothing to do with my thesis. she tells me this the day before the abstract is due, luckely she says she doesnt mind paying the late fee (only 10 dollars). now she wants me to give a talk about how katrina has affected the marsh... the meeting is in febuary -- totally duable, but i have to write this bloody abstract with no data, ive looked at images and seen the marsh first hand -- but that is about it! So luckely i have my BS, so hopefully i can make something out of nothing!!! and not sound like a complete moron at the same time!!!!!!!!!!!

Then i have to write this stupid prospectus, everything that i come up with that i like, charlotte shoots down:(... i need to start sampling, but for what purpose i dont, know.... hopefully we will agree on something soon.

i am also tired of mississippi, i am tired of being asked "how did your place do", and "what are you gonna do", and "do you need anything"... my place is no more, i dont know what i am gonna do, and i need money -- in large amounts!!!!!!!!!!!! -- ive calculated its gonna cost me about $2000 to replace most of my field gear, and thats assuming i can find some stuff on sale or used or just not replace all of it... and this is stuff i use pretty regularly :(...I am tired of driving past destroyed buildings on my way to and from school every day... im tired of the electricity and phones at school being on and off again because of repairs, i am tired of whenever i need something i have to go to wallworld -- where i loose 3 hours of my life because walmart is only open to 7 and everyone else is there as well trying to buy the same things you are -- but there are only 3 left and 50 of you need them, i am tired of people asking me "are you all right?", i am tired of being told that "you are loosing weight" -- who the fuck cares!!!!!!!!!! that is the least of my worries, i am tired of not being able to sleep, i am tired of being here alone, i am i am TIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Right now all i want to do is run away to Tampa and be with john... I am happy there, there are no problems, no worries, and none of the above crap to deal with, i can read and write while he is at work and be with him when hes not... honestly that is the only place i want to be right now ---- I am so much happier with him near!!!!