7.31.2006

tears stream...

I sit here in bed unable to sleep, tears streaming down my face, just thinking of you. My mind is unable to focus and I catch myself throught the day, just staring into space thinking of you. I can not help but feel as if I did something to cause this, I should have done things differently, but alas... it is to late for that and here I am again. I am in love with someone who says they love me back, however does not want to be with me. That hurts! That hurts through out my entire being, it hurts so deep down inside that there are really just no words with which to express it... the tears constantly streaming down my face are a constant expression of my pain. I long to be with you, curled up in your arms, and I long for you to want to be with me, but I know that will not be. You say this is what is best and that it needs to be, so i hope this makes you happy and that my pain is not for nothing.

7.28.2006

7.27.2006

Thursday == ehh :(

so today wasnt as bad as the past few days, but it still was not good :(... tired as hell, didn't sleep well at all, my stomach has been unhappy all day :(.... i did finish cutting all my angled aluminum which was good. the hydrographic student's graduation was today, some admirals/captans were there, and all the navy guys were dressed up in their whits looking very nice... had a good talk with cb about my thesis, so that was good -- but still just in a crappy mood and not a little bit happy :(... so :( oh well, i dont expect tomorrow to be better, basically just gonna assemble all the aluminum and rearrange the lab. Hopefully i wont feel in such a funk and will feel at least a little more productive than i have been feeling.

Keeping with the trend ... Wednesday sucked!!!!!

waited around all day for the cable guy, he showed up and informed me that it wasnt my cable box or the wall thingy -- but instead the signal going into the house is not a full signal, there fore... my internet is spotty and alot of my cable channels do not come in at all or poorly... so... the guy who showed up is not capable of fixing that, apparently the guy who quit the day before was the one who did that... so he said he would have to submit it to his superiors and that it might take a week or two :(...................AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! not good!!!! just all in all a crappy day :(

7.25.2006

tuesdays suck

(note the trend)... so apparently my cable box does not work correctly, only some of the channels i pay for come in, so i called the cable people this weekend and they said they would send someone out on tuesday between 1pm and 5pm.... so i wait around today, waiting, waiting and at about 3pm i finally call to make sure someone was coming out -- and apparently the tech who worked my are quit in the morning -- and yet no one bothered to call me, so the next available times are wed or thursday from 8am to 5pm... yes i have to spend all of tomorrow waiting for the stupid cable guy, who is likely not going to show up befor noon -- apparently they are "squeezing me in" -- or so the guy on the phone said.... so after that i had to get out of my house... so i call around and no one answers or wants to do anything -- so i figure i will go to a move -- :(... so i go see Pirates of the Caribbean cause i havent seen it... big mistake :(, tears streamed down my face for the majority of it -- not because its sad, but because i was supposed to go see it with john, and missed him terribly, and wanted nothing more to have him sitting next to me, my head on his sholder him occasionally putting his head on mine, and kissing my forehead... so i really didnt pay that much attention to the movie :( -- oh well :( another crapy day -- hopefully tomorrow will be better :( -- but i doubt it :(

7.24.2006

mondays suck

so today has been going pretty badly... and its only 1330... so to start with its been raining all day, and not a drizzle like full on down pour, not so much fun... i get to school and someone had moved all my settings on the table saw and changed the blade, so i had to go through the hassle of doing that, i start cutting the aluminum and get little shards of aluminum flung at my neck -- hurt like a mofo.... try to find a bandana to wear around my neck, cant find one -- go to see if there is one in my car -- no luck, notice my right front tire is going flat :(... drive to apg (the mechanic on sight) and i am now waiting to hear -- hopefully it will be fixable, cause i really can not afford a new tire right now -- have a few days left till payday, and i am broke!! -- hopefully the rest of the day goes better than this morning has!

horses + amanda and amanda's good roomate :)





Easy (the horse) and I



7.23.2006


amanda on the left and i am on the right

the official windsor wave

this is amanda breaking into the tack (no idea if spelled right ) room because the lock wouldnt open -- see below photo



one of the smaller dogs -- gotta have a complex
horse :)
easy
cool as spiders

one of the many puppies at the "farm"


amanda, uli and the new greahound addition -- Mojo


uli wouldnt bark at the dogs, but looked all fierce and barked at the horses

Uli and amanda and some of the other dogs

here again...

so here i am yet again, broken hearted sad and alone... i dont feel like going into details... but i am sad, a good bit depressed and well just all in all unhappy right now :(... so I ran away this weekend to amandas...

I am glad I did that too... it was good to force myself out of bed and keep my mind occupied, and amanda and uli are great for that... plus her good roomate is housesitting for a professor who is out of town... this house is basically a mini-farm -- they have 3 horses, numerous dogs/cats, a lizard fish and who knows what else poking around. But I got lots of really cool pics and rode a horse for the first time ever!!!!!!! That was really cool, I could see how that could get totally addicting! But it was fun, and good to get away and keep my mind, well out of my mind...

7.17.2006

being a girl rocks!!

Taking the new departmental vehicle (F-350 extended cab -- aka huge ass truck:)) driving to home depot, being the largetst truck in the parking lot, getting these "what are you doing driving that thing" looks from the guys in the parking lott, going into home depot, buying lots of angled aluminum, flat aluminum, nuts, bolts, washers, drill bits, blade for table saw, and of course duct tape -- and not needing any help from any of the sales men who were very eager to help -- and are worried that i may not know what i am doing -- rocks!!!! DUDE I LOVE HOME DEPOT, the guys there are just so helpful, :)

7.13.2006

I HAVE A DATE!!!!!!

not like that, i have a date to go vibercoring and get my samples for my thesis. the guys from UNO have an insane field schedule this summer and have been uberbusy... but they are free the first week of august!!!! yay, so we will plan a more specific date closer to the event, but for now :) i have a time frame and I am totally ecstatic!!!!!!!

7.12.2006

dont you hate when life gets in the way

so well its been a busy busy week... i have moved apartments, i am now living with my friend mike, much cheaper -- so very good :)... i have helped a friend move, attempted to help some of the incoming foreign students (who are currently in china) find places to live when they get here, and that has been a huge ordeal. There are very few apartments available right now, and these people are coming in without social security numbers and what not -- so, its been hard. Basically been running around like a mad woman, pain in my butt... and i dont quite know why i got assigned to this task, but i have been. Now we got to find a place for this indian guy coming, it would be one thing if someone in the department had a spare room, but no one does :(... after the hurricane everyone started living with everyone else, and all spare rooms were booked... so i dont know what the hell we are going to do with this guy. AHHHHHHHHHH, its just another thing i wish i didnt have to deal with... but on a good note, i have resigned up for renters insurance, so come the next hurrican season i can get screwed again, i am looking into getting flood this time, even if they say i do not need it!!

7.05.2006

ArcMap...

So that is the map I have been working on for like 4 days. Now it should have taken like 10 minutes max, but because my study area is on the border of Mississippi and Louisiana i had to use data from two different states. And of course the data from the two did not match up at all. Mississippi had creeks and rivers that Louisiana did not have, the creeks and rivers that they did both have didnt lign up at all. And it wasn't just a shift, some where shifted up, some down, some i just couldn't figure out at all. And then whomever made these files did a crappy job. The rivers were made up of tiny line segments which some overlapped some came nowhere near the next segment... it was just a mess. So I started from scratch and made the whole thing on my own, in the correct manner using polygons vs tiny line segments. Plus since my computer is not devoted only to ArcMap, it kept freezing every time I saved. Now luckely it would save prior to freezing, so atleast I didn't lose anything! Apparently if i save small little things, vs saving them up for a big save it only freezes every 5th save or so. So progress was made, just slowly. So now it is done, and done properly! My study sites are on there (the yellow stars) georecified like a good map should be :).... I've sent it to Charlotte ... so we will see what she has to say, but I don't see any issues :)..

oh and its one of those days where its thundering so loudly, it feels like the storm is directly on top of you and makes the entire building shake... I am in a secure building, that is supposidly "hurrican proof" and yet it shakes... I hate when it shakes...

7.04.2006

sad night...

Don't watch the movie "the notebook" when you are home alone, after a relatively bad day and when the one you love is far far away :( .... it only leads to bad things and an even worse night :(

7.03.2006

some more pics from NO

John communing with the bear...






an eel enjoying the bubbles




i dare you not to press...

Try interpreting this dream for me....


So I had this really weird dream last night.... John, Amanda, John's parents and myself were going to Texas. Now that is not particularly weird, but the reason we were going to Texas was to steal a cow. So the journey to Texas was going well until we hit the border of Louisiana and Texas, apparently we had to go through customs to get into Texas. Now we get to customs and find out that you are not allowed to bring nuts into Texas, and we had a suitcase full of nuts. These nuts were absolutely necessary for our mission to steal a cow, so we had to figure out a way to get the nuts through customs. So we find a wheelchair put Amanda in it, and fill walmart bags with the nuts. We then tape them to her legs and place them on her lap and then cover her legs and lap with a blanket. She then begins to act like she is out of it. Then john's father walks a ways away from us and starts doing this song and dance about Hitler. This distracted the guards enough to just let Amanda pass through customs with no problem... THE NUTS WERE SAFE!!! And well this is when I was woken up but thunder... So I have no idea if we would have been able to steal the cow... and if so... how would we have gotten that through customs... I HAVE NO IDEA

7.02.2006

don't forget Mississippi

SUN HERALD EDITORIAL MISSISSIPPI'S INVISIBLE COAST

As Aug. 29 recedes into the conscious time of many Americans, the great storm that devastated 70 miles of Mississippi's Coast, destroying the homes and lives of hundreds of thousands, fades into a black hole of media obscurity.

Never mind that, if taken alone, the destruction in Mississippi would represent the single greatest natural disaster in 229 years of American history. The telling of Katrina by national media has created the illusion of the hurricane's impact on our Coast as something of a footnote.

The awful tragedy that befell New Orleans as a consequence of levee failures at the time of Katrina, likewise, taken by itself, also represents a monumental natural disaster. But, of course, the devastation there, and here, were not separate events, but one, wrought by the Aug. 29 storm.

There is no question that the New Orleans story, like ours, is a compelling, ongoing saga as its brave people seek to reclaim those parts of the city lost to the floods.

But it becomes more and more obvious that to national media, New Orleans is THE story - to the extent that if the Mississippi Coast is mentioned at all it is often in an add-on paragraph that mentions "and the Gulf Coast" or "and Mississippi and Alabama."The television trucks and satellite dishes that were seen here in the early days have all but disappeared.

While there has been no study to quantify the amount of coverage accorded to the plight of so many here or in New Orleans, it is obvious to any observer that the number of news stories on New Orleans is many times that of those focused on Mississippi.

So, why does that matter? It matters first as it relates to journalism's obligations to cover human beings whose conditions are as dire as those that exist here. The depth of the suffering and the height of the courage of South Mississippians is an incredible story that the American people must know. But, in the shadows of the New Orleans story, the Mississippi Coast has become invisible and forgotten to most Americans. Could it be possible that the ongoing story of an Alabama teenager missing in Aruba has received more coverage on some cable networks than all of the incredibly compelling stories of courage, loss and need of untold thousands of Mississippians? Maybe a lot more coverage?

The second reason that the coverage matters is in the realm of politics. If the American people and their elected representatives do not truly know the scope of the destruction here, and if they are not shown the ongoing conditions afflicting so many, then there are consequences which are playing out even this week in Washington, where Congress will act, or not act, to relieve the incredible pain that has reduced the condition of so many American citizens to Third World status or worse. If the people do not know, they cannot care. We believe if they are shown the extent of the devastation and the suffering, they and their representatives will respond. So the coverage matters. A lot.

The problem, to some extent, is that you have to be here and see it for yourself to comprehend the utter destruction that is so much like Berlin or Tokyo after World War II. We would like to invite our news colleagues from across the nation to come and view the Coast with us. It is impossible to comprehend this disaster from afar. A television can display only a single screen of the damage. When you have driven mile after mind-numbing mile and viewed the complete nothingness where cities and homes and businesses once stood, only then will you begin to understand what has happened here. Then you will begin to wonder, where are all the people who used to live on this beautiful shore? What has happened to their families and all of those shattered lives? That is when you will understand that the story of Katrina in South Mississippi isn't over, it has only begun.

On the third day after Katrina crushed us, this newspaper appealed to America: "Help us now," the headline implored. America answered with an outpouring of love and help. That response saved us then. Our plea to newspapers and television and radio and Web sites across the land is no less important today: Please, tell our story. Hear the voice of our people and tell it far and wide. We are here. Do not forsake us.We are no footnote.And one more thing... Thank you. To every out-of-state volunteer, to every friend and family member who has sent supplies or prayers, we sincerely thank you. And we ask that you do one more thing: Call your senators and your congressional representative and ask them to support additional aid for South Mississippi's recovery. We couldn't have gotten off our knees without you. But we can't get back on our feet without federal help.

Katrina's toll in Mississippi
$125 billion Estimated dollar amount of damage caused by Hurricane Katrina 231 Identified dead statewide
5 Unidentified dead 67 Missing
65,380 Houses in South Mississippi destroyed
383,700 Mississippi insurance claims filed (Katrina and Rita)
$5 billion Claims paid (as of Nov. 21)
141,000 Insurance claims filed in South Mississippi
$1.3 billion Claims paid in South Mississippi
44 million Estimated cubic yards of debris in South Mississippi
21.8 million Cubic yards removed as of Dec. 5
20,447 Red Cross staff and volunteers in Mississippi
5,543,006 Red Cross meals served
42,768 People sheltered by Red Cross
229 Red Cross shelters opened
$185 million Red Cross money spent in South Mississippi as of Nov. 30