3.31.2006

Comfortably Numb...

I was driving today and listening to the radio when Pink Floyd's song Comfortably Numb comes on... I must admit... I felt saddened by this song, not because of what it says or anything, but for the fact that I wish I were numb... I am so totally tired of feeling so sad and miserable, I just wish all of that would go away... Honestly right now, i wish i were numb, atleast then it would be easier to get through the day without breaking down into tears at school, I surpress it all day, which just tends to make it worse, and then I break down every night :(... Sometimes i do breakdown at school, but usually only when no one is really around to see it... If i feel like i am going to break down though, i usually just leave early... I am just so tired of constantly being on the verge of tears, and so many things remind me of him... I will be doing somewhat ok, then i see/hear/smell/think something and boom im down for the count... I just want it all to go away, I would much rather feel nothing...


Hello.
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?

Come on, now.
I hear you’re feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain,
Get you on your feet again.

Relax.
I need some information first.
Just the basic facts:
Can you show me where it hurts?

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ship’s smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can’t hear what you’re sayin’.
When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I can’t explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

Ok.
Just a little pinprick. [ping]
There’ll be no more --aaaaaahhhhh!
But you may feel a little sick.

Can you stand up?
I do believe it’s working. good.
That’ll keep you going for the show.
Come on it’s time to go.

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ship’s smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can’t hear what you’re sayin’.
When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.

3.30.2006

Koozie



So i am feeling the need to buy a koozie, i know random.... but i bought chery coke (in the can), and i am sitting at my desk drinking one, and the pinkness is just disturbing me... yah it is mostly red, but that pink stripe, well it is unsettling. :( Stupid coke having to go change the look... atleast the tast stayed the same, had that changed i would be protesting big time..

3.27.2006

God is not a PhD

Why God never received a PhD:

1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was in Hebrew.
3. It had no references.
4. It wasn't published in a refereed journal.
5. Some even doubt he wrote it by himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He never applied to the ethics board for permission to use human subjects.
10. When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.
17. No record of working well with colleagues.


if you are offended byt his ... well deal this is my blog and i find it to be quite funny :)


http://atheistempire.com/entertainment/humor.html -- if you find this as funny as i do... there is more... enjoy :)

3.26.2006

office supplies


well as you might be able to ascertain from the previous post, last night was horrible and well just a really really bad night.... so i wake up this morning with the urge to go shopping, yes i know filling a void, but hell it makes me feel better... however as a poor grad student the options here are greatly limited, the normal jeans/shoes/underwear/cd/movie purchases to fill this void are a little to expensive right now, especially seeing as how it is the end of the month... plus at the rate im loosing weight im gonna have to buy new jeans shortly anyway... so buying some now would just be a waste... so... i went to target to buy office supplies.... oh how i love office supplies, especially new cool pens, sharpies and post-its... now i dont need any of these... but who cares i love a new color of pen or a new look... makes me feel happier, and writing with it (i have to grade papers today) really makes things artificially better :).... So i am now the proud owner of the prettiest shade of purple gel pen :) as well as some new binders (i actually needed these), post-its and some other cool pens.... i guess its better to fill the void with office supplies vs junk food or random guys... :(

Ass...

ass: what's the matter?
jikuykendall: you are fully aware of what is wrong
ass: I know
jikuykendall: :(
ass: well I hope you cheer up jenny
jikuykendall: ?
jikuykendall: thank you
jikuykendall: i do too...
jikuykendall: im tired of feeling like this :(
jikuykendall: :(
jikuykendall: :(
ass: lean back a lil bit more
ass: mmmm
ass: so sexy hun
jikuykendall: WHAT???????????
jikuykendall: you talking to the wrong person arnt you
ass: yup
jikuykendall: fuck you
jikuykendall: ass
ass: hey sorry
ass: fine ttyl

his screen name is not ass, although it probably should be... i changed it so i didnt have to hear crap about it

3.25.2006

South Dakota

Read Ball's blog on South Dakota... and while your there check out the cutiest puppie ever!!!!

3.24.2006

New Orlean Levees

Took a field trip to the New Orleans levees with a geologist from tulane... here are some of the pics, i have a bunch more.... but ill post them tomorrow... so here are a few for now... enjoy :)

Just a cool looking tree stump, i like my trees
The water stripped this tree of its bark, you can make out the water line on it -- its the horizontal brown lines
this is one of the levees that breeched, the cement is the old leve, the steel to the left of it is the beginnings of the new levee
this house and the ground under neath it used to be 40 feet closer to the levee, that would be into the picture
water line and ruined clothes
ripple!! this is sand that was deposited by the flooding water, this is the top of about a 4 ft pile of sand on the porch of a house
poor bike ;(
barnicles... this was definitly under water
what happens to your laptop when it rides out the hurricane

confusion

Well i hate these blogs, I hate writing these stuipd depressing blogs... but well right now my life sucks, and this is where i go to vent, express anger and what not... in addition to keeping yall updated of course :)... and well i know these are pretty depressing sometimes, or well i think they are... but oh well... my life is depressing :(.......... or to me it is :(

So... ya of course guy issues... so for those that know me/read this thing, you will know that john broke up with me about 2 months ago (give or take a bit) and well, i was totally shocked, hurt and devistated. I totally was/is madley in love with him and well it really hurt... so an attempt has been made to remain friends, yah i know glutton for punnishment, but oh well... friends are good... and it would be nice to keep him as a friend... So as i said about two months have gone by, and things are not good... i am still completely sad and miserable and feel myself falling into this horrible depression... still not really eating (only eating cause i know i am supposed to) have no apetite, still not sleeping, when i do finally fall asleep i jolt awake from these horrible dreams all of which are related to him in some way shape or form, then it takes me a while to fall back asleep and the same happens over and over and over :(.... I never want to go home because it is so fucking lonely here and it just makes me think about him thus making me sadder, when i am at home i just stay in bed with no desire to do anything or get out of bed...so to prevent that i try not to be here, so that means i am at school all day long for really long days, i have been pulling 5-6am to 9-10 at night,.... so anyways john and i have been talking and he had asked me what i would change about the relationship and what not... so i told him and we talked about it and how he could change things about himself for the better... and apparently hes had some big revelations about himself and relized he can be an ass and some other things... so he was gonna work on being a good friend to all his friends and just work on being a better person.... so i have put time and effort into helping him get better, and yah i could say it was partially for selfish reasons... but still i dont like my friends to be asses so i helped him out..... well we were talking last night... and apparently he is considering dating someone, whose name is also jenny and is 20 years old, mind you john is 26 has been married and has lots and i mean lots of baggage, no matter if he says hes over stuff, he so is not... he thinks hes better and has changed, but honestly i do not think he is, and i can tell this by the way he responds to things and how he talks... So needless to say this hurts alot, if he is better and is ready for a relationship i feel as if i did all the work and someone else is gonna benifit... not that i see us getting back together, it would take major work on his behalf... but still :(.... it just hurts.... really really really badly and i dont know how to deal with this or how to move on, all i know is that i am in such a horrible depressed funk. :(............

3.22.2006

Midterms!









YAY Midterms are finally over and done with. I just finnished my last midterm with exactly an hour to spare :)... YAY! So that means I can finally crash! Well not yet, I have to go to class first and hand in my midterm and then go teach lab... but after that I can totally crash!! I am so excited to sleep. I think I did pretty well on my midterms, I am a little worried about the fine-grained sediments midterm though. A) i am the only student in the class, so its sort of hard to compair yourself to everyone else for re-assurance and B) it was a beast of a test, only 4 questions and it ended up being much longer (pg and time wise) than my estaries midterm which had alot more questions... I am sure I passed, its just as to how well I passed... that is the question....

3.21.2006

talk about a little off....
























So apparently this is what they do in Germany to ward off winter and welcome summer (photo curtsey of my cousin.. click on the German bibas link for more...)... I personally think this is a bit much... burning a snowman in effegy of winter... little sadistic dont ya think... but hell if i was there I would probably have a marshmellow on a stick... mmm snowman toasted marshmellow...

3.20.2006

Beach fix















I am so tired. I am tired of feeling sad all the time, and having to pretend to be happy at school so that way I dont get the "whats wrong" looks and questions, I do not want to be sad, but I honestly do not know what to do about it....

I am tired of everyone telling me it will take time (even though I know you mean it in a good way, and i appreciate you telling me that, but I have heard it alot:(), I know it will take time but that is really a crappy thing, its been more than a month!!!! Time sucks, I am tired of time, and waiting for it...

I am tired of being alone, or feeling as if I am alone. Yes I have friends, but most of them are a good ways away, and I still go home to an empty apartment every night, so ya I feel totally alone...

I am tired of sleeping alone, my stuffed bear just doesnt cut it... and I totally understand Amanda sleeping on her fouton (sp?), cause many nights I find it easier to sleep on my couch, its just not as big and lonely. There is not a huge void there....

I am tired of seeing destruction and signs of Katrina everywhere I go...

I am tired of people complaining about petty things when there are still people living in tents in New Orleans, Slidell, and Bay St. Louis (those are places where I have recently seen people living in tents still)...

I am tired of hearing about Katrina every day, and hearing people go on and on about it...

I am tired of having to deal with FEMA on a regular basis... I am tire of people who do not live down here and havent gone through this bitch and complain about NO and "why are they trying to re-build"...

I am tired of not being hungry, I am only eating because I know I need to eat, but there is never a feeling of hunger, the majority of my caloric intake is from coke :(...

I am tired of people in my one class complaining about how much class work we have to do for it, when I am taking another class with a much greater work load plus i am a Ta with papers to grade and labs to set up, when they are only taking one class and dont really do anything else...

I am tired of people coming into my office and talking to my office mate and being loud when I am obviously trying to get work done, just because you do not have anything to do doesnt mean I do not have shit to do...

I am tired of living in this state of confusion, where my heart yearns for one thing and my brain says "no its not good for you"...

I am just tired of Mississippi...

I am tired of not being near a beach... I have not seen a beach since I evacuated from Katrian, and the beach makes me happy, so being away from it is quite depressing, yes there is a coast here... but a) most of it was ruined during the storm or you are not allowed on it and b)they are not real beaches anyway, they are dumped piles of sand on what should be a marsh, there are no waves (well 1-2inch waves and they just do not count)...

I need out!!!!, I need white beaches, blue water, to stick my toes in the sand, run around in a bathingsuite, let the waves lap over my toes, ride up and down in the waves just after where they start to break, lay on the beach with a drink in my hand and just be.... I NEED TO JUST BE... and I can not do that here :(... MISSISSIPPI SUCKS!!!

3.19.2006

Cheetos

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

Its sad when at 9:30 in the morning, as I am getting a snack out of the vending machine in the break room at school...someone comes up to me and says "hay thats a healthy breakfast" and I have explain to them that no, it is actually a snack and breakfast was about 4 hours ago and its almost lunch time...

Hay its midterm weekend... what can i say :)

Looks

So, imagine you are at a "desert social" at a friends, in honor of St Patties day. Now imagine that you are the only girl in the room who is not on a diet, yet are managing to loose weight anyway (thanks stress), and are the smallest girl in the room (by a good at least 20-30lbs). Now imagine stuffing yourself full, so that you feel like you are gonna pop... And then say "i feel like I have just gained 50 pounds"..... NO IMAGINE THE LOOKS YOU WILL GET FROM THE OTHER GIRLS... They are not pretty, trust me on that, lots of eye rolling and sneers!

3.16.2006

Confusion

I am living in this constant state of confusion, I have lost all sense of direction and no longer know which way is up. This is making me miserable . I hate not knowing what is going on, or what to do. I wish there was someone who could just make these decisions and straighten things out for me. It would make my life so much easier and less stressful. But unfortunately this is not an option. So I am afraid that I must live in this state of constant confusion, until I either figure things out or well… I don’t know what…

3.13.2006

Sleep...

How come when I have the time to sleep and really need to sleep and want to sleep I can not sleep.... and how come when I don't have the time to sleep and do not want to sleep I can barley keep my eyes open... Any answers???

3.11.2006

Its gonna be one of those weeks :(...

So after being sick for a week, i have a good bit of reading to make up... as to be expected, but on top of that this coming week is going to be one of the busiest weeks/weeks ever!!...
Items may not be in cronological order :(

Saturday:
1. Clean apartment (otherwise i will use this as reason to procrastinate during the week)
2. Do laundry (despritley out of clean clothes)
3. Go grocery shopping for the next two weeks (because I am not going to have time to do so)
4. Read 4 papers for class on monday, plus whatever else may appear in my box between now and then (~2 inch thick stack)

Sunday:
1. Spend morning on boat in the Pearl River, get sediment samples for wet splitter calibration
2. Wash glass wear for Pipette lab (>100 beakers plus glass pipetts a pain in the ass to clean), must be perfectly cleaned with Milli-Q and not touched by human hands :(
3. Mix up Calgon with Milli-Q (calgon takes forever to dissolve in Milli-Q:( )
4. Mark all pipettes with 5cm , 10c, and 20cm lines
5. Set up example for pipette analysis, makes it alot easier when demonstrating what pipette analysis is.
6. locate 4 stop watches with seconds, much easier said than done
7. Read 6 papers (so far) for proposal for Estuaries project
8. Set up various other things needed for pipette analysis set up

Monday:
1. Meet with other two in Estuaries class to start writing proposal for Estuaries project (due the following week)
2. Teach marine geo lab how to do the prep work for pipette
3. Sit there and watch/supervise as student do the prep work for pipette analysis (this pays the bills, guess it could be worse :()
4. Go to Fine grained sediments class... get midterm take home exam... its gonna be a bunch of essay questions... each one will probably end up being a paper... :(
5. Work more on proposal for estuaries project
6. Start seds midterm
7. read for Estuaries tomorrow

Tuesday:
1. Go to Estuaries class
2. Finish writing proposal for estuaries class
3. go to library to find articles for take sed midterm
4. work on prospectus!!!!

Wednesday:
1. Set up for pipette analysis
2. Do pipette analysis
3. if any time between setup and analysis (doubtful) work on seds midterm
4. Go see anberlin at the HOB, yay one night of sanity
5. talk to charlotte about army core samples in the Pearl River marsh
6. Read for eastuaries tomorrow

Thursday:
1. Go to estuaries class... get estuaries midterm... again numerous essay questions, each one ending up about the size of a paper
2. Take some guy on tour of the pearl river via boat... I dont want to do this, but I have no choice this is going to take all day :(
3. Work on seds midterm... try to have almost done by now
4. Work on estuaries midterm
5. Read for class tomorrow (dont know how many papers yet.. usually about 3-5)

Friday:
1. Go to library for estuaries midterm
2. Make up fine grained sediments class
3. Work on estuaries midterm/seds midterm
4. Email mark about vibercoring in marsh
5. Start grading lab reports (there are two weeks worth :()

Saturday:
1. If seds midterm is not finnish -- finish it first
2. Work on estuaries midterm
3. Finnish prospectus
4. go insane
5. drink heavily

Sunday:
1. Read for fine grained seds tomorrow
2. Finnish eastuaries midterm
3. Work on prospectus
4. Finnish grading lab reports

Monday:
1. Read for eastuaries tomorrow
2. Hand in seds midterm
3. Go to sed class
4. If lab reports still need looked at, finnish today!

Tuesday:
1. Hand in Estuaries midterm
2. Go to estuaries class
3. Give CB lab reports
4. Determine sampling dates, based on marks response'
5. Creat sampling devices for estuaries project (aka play with power tools)

Wednesday:
1. Read for estuaries tomorrow
2. Set up for lab
3. Teach lab
4. Grade lab reports

Thursday:
1. Go to estuaries class
2. go out into the pearl river to place sediment plates and take water samples
3. filter water samples for SPM

Friday:
1. Go to New Orleans for tour of levees (Pradnya is making me go!!!)
2. grade lab reports
3. Read for class on Monday
4. Drink Heavily!!!!!!

SATURDAY:
1. CRASH!
2. Watch tv
3. do nothing productive:)


Ahh it is gonna be a long two weeks! I am sure that as the week begins more stuff will be added :(.... ahh well sleep isnt needed, and apparently my zero coke is gonna go out the window... There is no way I am gonna survive this without COKE!!!!! oh well, i was good for a little while, but atleast I will start fresh, being able to feel the effects of one coke, vs having to drink like 4 for a caffeen kick! Ahh...

3.10.2006

With or WIthout You

I know I have been posting a bunch of song lyrics lately... but honestly they work better than my own words... so why not... well this is one I have always loved, but now it holds new a new and different meaning for me... and it saddens me some :(....


See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you

Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you

With or without you
With or without you

Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I’m waiting for you

With or without you
With or without you
I can’t live
With or without you

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

My hands are tied
My body bruised, she’s got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

With or without you
With or without you
I can’t live
With or without you

With or without you
With or without you
I can’t live
With or without you
With or without you

---U2

3.09.2006

Friends

I really have the best friends anyone could ever ask for!!
I have the kind of friends who will listen to my complaints and worries and always tell me that everything will be ok... Who will let me cry over a guy to them at 2am in the morning... Who will put up with my "he said this...." what do you think it means... Who will hold my hair as I puke (well gag) into the night... Who will make sure I get home alright... Who automatically hate and volunteer to kill or decapitate any guy who hurts me... Who understand and do not get offended by my horribly sarcastic sense of humor... Who let me be my kookie self... Who will let me run away to their place for a weekend... Who are always willing to give me a hug, even from hundreds of miles away... Who will bring me back rocks or sand from places they visit... Who will check in on me while I am sick... Who will drive me to the doctor... Who will help ward off creepy guys at shows... Who are just there whenever I need them... I really do have the best friends ever!!! And I would do anything for each and every one of you!!!!

3.08.2006

no Coke

Well I am finally starting to feel better... Yay antibiotics!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! One good thing about this is that I havent had a coke since last wed... yay:)... so this was definitly one easy way to detox :)... So now I am only allowing myself to have a coke when I go out to eat (which is very rare) and on weekends, ocassionally :)... yay... Oh well, get to go back to school tomorrow... not looking forward to having to get up early, sleeping in has been nice! and I am sure there will be quite a bit of work to make up... oh well

JENNY


Jenny --

[noun]:

A poltergeist sent back in time to change the course of history forever



'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Truth..

its amazing how right on these things can be...





Your Love Life Secrets Are



Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves.



Although you may have been hurt before, you tend to bring very little scars into new relationships.



It's important to you that your lover is very attractive. You like to have someone to show off.



In fights, you love to debate and defend yourself. You logic prevails - or at least you'd like to think so.



A break-up usually comes as a shock to you. You always think things are going well.

3.07.2006

Strep :(

So i have strep :(... I went to the doctor today and he gave me some meds, however I am not allowed to go anywhere till thursday... Let me tell you I was already bored out of my mind as of Saturday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This sucks! But i dont want to get anyone else sick, so i guess I will stay in bed, atleast I dont have to worry about getting a roomate sick... :(

3.05.2006

Miserable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its 2am and I am miserable... I am still horrible sick, my tonsils are swollen, and producing this gross mucus stuff... My nose wont stop running and I can not stop sneezing :(... I have been sleeping off and on all day, and currently can not sleep.... There is nothing good or somewhat ok on TV, IM bored with the internet. And well... I am just bored!!!!!!!!!! AHHH I HATE BEING SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry, that's enough complaining out of me, I just hope I feel better soon!

3.03.2006

How well...

So recent events have made me wonder, just how well do you really know someone... I mean afterall the only person who you truly know is yourself, and most people don't really know who they are... So if you barley know who you are how can you know someone else. People come in and out of our lives, they become friends, some better friends than others. But just because they are a friend doesn't mean they still can not do something totally shock and astound you... So what are you to do when two people, who both are good friends tell you opposing facts about something HUGE!!! How well do you really know them?? Who is to say which is more likely to be lying to you and which is telling you the truth... I want them both to be telling me the truth, and for their stories to be the same..... THAT WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER!!!!!

well its official...

I am officially done with John. I just found out that John cheated on me, not once but twice.... So needless to say anger abounds and I am pissed, upset, mainly angry... thoughts of driving to tampa and destroying his apartment abound, but alas i am not into that kind of thing... So he cheated on me once, with a very ugly girl, ive seen her pic on myspace, and according to him nothing happened while we were together -- but well now i know that is CRAP!!!!!!!! So we then broke up got back together, and then he cheated on me again. Had i know about the cheating to begin with, we would have never gotten back together... so now its over and done with, for good! I am wiping him out of my life... i cant be friends with someone who would do that to me... SO good that is over, now i just got to get some stuff figured out and life will be grand, or I hope it will be... Oh so if you wanna see who this ass John is, go to my myspace pg http://www.myspace.com/jik24601
click on my fariend Emily?, click on view her friends, he is on the 2nd pg... John F. Feel free to say really nasty things to him on my behalf...

Man this would be alot easier if the prettiest man ever was here to help add beauty to this :)

I HATE BEING SICK

I really do hate being sick, but then again who does... so basiccally i have laid in bed all day, falling in and out of sleep trying to feel better... I have taken some medicin that my friend Emily suggested, but still I feel like shit. I think I am going to go into school tomorrow for a little bit (i skiped today), if for no other reason than to grab some papers to grade and then come back and go back to bed. :(... So well... needless to say i am bored. Talked with John for a bit, some of it was good, some was bad, some made me really quite sad... but oh well... it will get better with time, or so everyone keeps telling me... anyway time to go stare at the tv and float in and out... later

3.02.2006

:(

I AM SICK! I hate being sick... my nose is stuffed up, my glands are swollen, my throat is scratchy and it hurts to swallow, I am coughing constantly and I am coughing up stuff... Doesn't that sound lovely. And of course since it is just me, there is no one to take care of me :(... It would be nice to have someone to make me tea and keep me company when I am awake... Oh well, not much I can do about that I guess.... Hopefully I will be feeling better soon!

The prettiest man ever!

So he has got to be the prettiest man ever, yes he is gay but he is still supper pretty!! I just wanted to bring him home and have him hang out as eye candy/artwork ;).... Oh so much fun!